Life is short

"Teach us to realize the brevity of life,
    so that we may grow in wisdom."

- Psalm 90:12

I attended a funeral this weekend. Funerals are never easy, but this one was particularly hard. It was for a wonderful woman whose life was cut shorter than one would expect. Or hope for. Afterwards, a friend of mine said he thought funerals are a way for those of us left behind to examine our own lives. I felt the same way. I wondered while I was listening to all the accolades and beautiful stories and wonderful ways they described this person, "What would people say about me?" I want to be the kind of person that someone would say, "She never said a harsh word about anyone," or "She loved unconditionally."  The thing is, I am not those things ... I am flawed and imperfect and struggle through life like the rest of us. I have made mistakes. And will make many more I am certain. But then I am reminded that life is not about perfection. It is about love. And grace. 

I recently read an article written by a nurse who worked with patients who knew they were dying. When she questioned them about their regrets, these were the most common:

1.  I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2.  I wish I didn't work so hard.

3.  I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

4.  I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5.  I wish that I had let myself be happier.

The article made me think back to a number of years ago when another young woman, a very good friend of mine, was dying and how we had talked about the importance of living a life with no regrets. That is not an easy thing to do, I think. But something to strive for. 

Thanks for making this world a better place, sweet Mimi.

May the love you poured out onto all of us here on earth be remembered forever. 

Images: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

The first rose of the season

The first rose of the season showed up today in my front yard yesterday. It was tucked down low and I almost missed it ... 

The scent is heavenly. 

And although I almost hated to cut it, I couldn't resist bringing it inside. 

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That's all for today folks! Happy Friday!

The "Feelie Hearts"

I am re-reading a book that I have not read for many years. I haven't thought about the book for years until I had a conversation with someone last week who was hurting and the book came to mind. I asked if he had ever read it and he had not so I told him I would lend him mine. I decided I would read it again before I saw him next week. I have read a lot of books and my library is filled with them, but only the books that I feel are special; ones that I would read again, or want to remember, or think that I might want to lend out one day. Often I will read a book in paperback and love it so much that I will purchase it in hardback just to have a nice copy in my library. Other times, I will purchase many copies of a book and give them out as I see fit. This is one such book. 

The book is My Grandfather's Blessings: Stories of Strength, Refuge and Belonging, by Rachel Naomi Remen. Remen is a physician and an author (she also wrote Kitchen Table Wisdom) and a professor. She is a doctor to patients with cancer and also counsels doctors who work with cancer or terminal patients. Each chapter in the book is a short story of blessing, healing, or inspiration. 

In one chapter (called, Holding on to The Heart), Remen writes about a bereavement center in Tacoma, Washington called Bridges. The center helps children who are suffering from a death. The center passes out soft little "Feelie Hearts" to every child. The hearts are small enough to fit in a pocket and they give the children something tangible and comforting to hold on to as they grieve. They are made from bathrobes or running suits or anything that is plushy, like velvet or velour and they are all hand sewn by volunteers.  

Remen writes that she wrote to the women who made the hearts and told them about her program where she teaches medical students and physicians how to grieve and heal when they suffer the loss of a patient. She calls her course, "The Art of Healing." She explains that physicians are trained to feel shame about their emotions over the loss of a patient and to view these responses as unprofessional. She also writes that it is only when we are able to grieve well that we can truly heal from a great loss find the permission to live again.  

They sent her hundreds of the little "Feelie Hearts" to pass out to her students. They fit perfectly inside the pocket of their white coats, she says. 

As I was reading the story of the little "Feelie Hearts", I thought about the person who I was going to be lending the book to. This person is surrounded by grief right now and is also in the healing business for people who hurt. And I thought about how nice it would be for him to receive one of these little hearts too. 

This book is not new and I had no idea if the information about the bereavement center or the hearts were still current. I searched and found the center online. They had the information on how to order the hearts on their website but they do not take credit cards and you have to download a form and mail in a check. I figured that could take a while. So I emailed the contact person at the center to give him the heads up that my order would be coming soon in case it would help expedite the order and then I left to mail my check. When I arrived back in my office there was a lovely email from the center saying that my hearts were already in the mail and I should receive them soon. How lovely is that? 

The hearts arrived yesterday with a note that over 100,000 "Feelie Hearts" have been handed out at Bridges since they first started using them in 1988. You can read more about the hearts here.

Sometimes it is just the simplest thing that can make a difference ...

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." 

-Matthew 5:4

Live your best life

Love love love. Be thankful. Choose happy thoughts. Be courageous. Be happy. And take care of your health (stay calm, cultivate peace ... and eat more veges!).

"Satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love,
    so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives."

-Psalm 90:14

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Black and white

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Mother's Day and no regrets

"A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary."

-Dorothy Canfield Fisher

Sarah & Bendrix

Non. Je ne regrette rien.

It means "I have no regrets" and it is the new poster I just bought. It was inspired by the Edith Piaf song and is a simple statement that means life is to be lived without regrets and in full. I may not frame it for a while (no time) but it will someday hang in my home to be a reminder.

Sarah & Bendrix

This year I decided to work differently. I wanted to make time to live. I thought about my children and my new grand-daughter and how I was missing out on so many things because I was always working. And I thought about my mom. She is 83 years young, but I did not want to look back someday and say that I had missed some amazing moments with her because I was just too busy. So I started to "X" out some days each month on my calendar and take some personal days off. 

When a good friend of mine was battling terminal cancer in her (and my) 40's, her brother told her to live with no regrets. It was great advice. Make peace where you need to, don't look back someday wishing you had done something differently, or missed an opportunity. No regrets. Live now. 

 Roger's Gardens

So last week, with a full schedule and a party to style the next day (and all the preparations that go along with that), I decided to take my mom along with me on my errands. I knew she would enjoy going along the the rental store (they have so many pretty things) and I knew she would love walking around Roger's Gardens. I just had to pick up a couple of things and could have been in and out in 20 minutes but instead we spent a couple of hours walking around slowly, looking at all the plants and flowers and patio furniture. We took time to have a lovely lunch and do a little shopping at her favorite gourmet grocery store.  I was overcome with gratitude; so incredibly happy that I had my mom to spend the day with. 

Roger's Gardens

I am out of town right now, writing this from my daughter's house. I am here with both of my girls and my sweet granddaughter (and hoping that my mom will decide to make the trek up here as well). Again, I am filled with gratitude. 

Our Mother's Day Menu - found here   

Happy Mother's Day to all of us. To those of us who have birthed a child and to those who have not. To our friends who have filled in where our mothers could not and to our daughters who helped us be better women. To our sisters who hold our hands love us unconditionally, and to those of us who are left only with the memories of the moms we wish we still had with us. To those who "mother us" whether they gave birth to us or not; for being our soft place to fall and the place where we get our strength. This is for all of you ... my friends, my sisters, my daughters and my mom ... I hope you all have a wonderful day and know how loved and important you are. xxoo

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"God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers."-Jewish proverb

Work with all your heart

My youngest daughter, the one who just graduated from college is applying for her first "real" job. You know, a job in the career that she actually wants. Not the student store job she has faithfully worked at for 4 years, or the campus magazine she helped start and dedicated endless (understatement) volunteer hours writing for, editing, promoting and publishing, or the summer and non-summer internships she put her heart and soul into (for no pay) to learn the ropes. This one is the real thing. It is not the job of her dreams but it is a good first step towards her goal.

A couple of summers ago, she interned in an art gallery full-time. It required an hour commute each way and was not the easiest job. It was stressful and hard, and if you have ever interned you will know that you are often overworked and not always treated the best. But she persevered through it and on her last day we drove up to take her to lunch and met the man who was her boss. He did nothing but rave about her work ethic and her skills and told us that not only would the gallery be lost without her, she was well equipped to go into the art gallery world that she thought at the time that she wanted to be in.

However, that fall upon returning to school, she made a 180 degree turn and with two majors already under her belt decided to go a completely different direction and pursue a third field of study and a career she felt much conviction for (which is what she is doing now). In preparing for her recent interview she received a letter of recommendation from her boss from her summer internship. It was a pretty incredible letter of recommendation. In the letter, he talked about her professionalism, her good natured spirit and friendliness, and her abilities to handle the work put in front of her. At the end of the letter, he wrote, "If you have the opportunity to work with her, my only statement would be ... Do it. Now."

This man is well known and getting a recommendation like this from him is like gold. When she shared the letter with me, it reminded me of the importance of giving your best always, of working hard even when the job you have (or who you are working for) is not what you wish it was, and persevering even when it seems you are getting nothing out of it. It also reminded me that everything you do, even if indirectly, is preparation for your next step.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the LORD, ..."

-Colossians 3:23 

Cake and coffee

"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel." - Steven Furtick

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My sister sent me an email today about an incredible 'movement' that is showing up all over blogland called, "Things I Am Afraid To Tell You." She sent me the link to this post written by Ez from Creature Comforts that got this crazy viral internet dialog going about the authenticity of what we as bloggers post; a dialog that was started by a post written by Jess Constable (which ironically I wrote about her inspirational posters in my post last Sunday). Jess also wrote another post (The Icing or the Cake) that talks about another truth about reading blogs, Pinterest, or any social media site for that matter. In Jess' words:

But my Online World lens tells me a different story. My Online World lens makes me feel not quite “enough.” Sure, what I have is nice, but my life could be so much better if I had bright colored jeans, a floral blazer, a puppy, a hunky husband, a baby on the way, and a knack for cooking and entertaining like Ms. Stewart.

Then my life would really be something. 

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The bottom line is that what we see and read is not always reality and even if it is, it can bring us down, make us feel inadequate or give us a false sense of what is important or even true. We blog and read blogs to inspire and be inspired but I agree that there is a negative side to it as well and I think it is a great dialog to start and continue (which is why I am sharing it). And incredibly this all ties in perfectly with a video that a friend shared with me this week about stress and the important things in life. It is just a couple of minutes long and well worth watching.

Click here to watch the video, "Life is like Coffee."

Beautiful things

My mother taught me that if you don't have anything nice to say ... don't say anything at all. And I think that is great advice. Especially if you are blogging. People want to be inspired and not hear about all the issues I am having with just about every single project I am in the middle of and how I wish sometimes that I worked in a little cubicle; just me and my computer and had zero contact with people. Can you tell I had a bad day today?  

Instead of complaining though, I want to focus on what is good. What is lovely. What is right. And there is so much. I hope you have a wonderful Friday and as we work our way into the weekend I hope that you can think about beautiful things too. Maybe this will help:

Philippians 4:8 via homegrownhospitality.typepad.com {via}

{Images via pinterest here and here and here and here}